Grief, Leadership & The Spaces We Hold

February carries many layers.

Valentine’s Day. Pink hearts. Cards and chocolates.

And also loss. Quiet waves of missing someone who isn’t here anymore. The loss of a relationship. News headlines that tighten the chest. The ache of a warming planet. The fragility of democracy.

Grief feels close to the surface right now. Personally and collectively.

Over the past couple of months, so many clients, friends, and colleagues have lost loved ones that I go to bed not knowing what news I might wake up to. I’ve attended celebrations of life and fire circles held in memorial.

And I keep coming back to this: We are not meant to grieve alone.

In Celtic tradition, there is a practice called keening. Wailing. Singing. Crying together. The community gathers around the bereaved so sorrow does not have to be carried by one pair of shoulders. There is deep wisdom in that. A dear colleague of mine traveled all the way to Scotland to attend a workshop on keening after losing their life partner, because they could not find an adequate container for their grief here in the States.

Our culture gives us a few days off work. A meal train. A card. Then we are expected to return to productivity.

But grief does not move on a corporate timeline.

It asks us to ride its waves. To feel. To remember what matters.

And what matters, always, is love.

It reminds us that the sun rising each morning is a blessing. That hearing children laugh is a miracle. That tomorrow is not guaranteed but today is here.

And today is enough.

What We Witnessed At Love Is Stronger Event

On Valentine’s Day, 25 of us gathered in Ignacio for our Love Is Stronger community event. Before we even began, local students had created a giant collage Valentine heart for someone in our circle who was carrying fresh loss. It was meant to bring a smile. A small reminder that they were not alone. There were craft supplies scattered across tables. We shared poems, prayers, music, and food. Using an open space format, no one knew - not even me as the facilitator - what would unfold in our shared space. At one point, grief was spoken out loud. And the circle responded. No one tried to fix it. No one rushed past it. We deepened in presence. We surrounded the ache with song. With quiet attentiveness. With hugs. It reminded me of something I believe deeply: Strong containers do not eliminate grief. They hold it.

What This Has To Do With Leadership

In our facilitation and consulting work, I am noticing something tender.

Organizations are grieving too.

Grieving staff transitions. Grieving funding instability. Grieving harm that has happened in communities. Grieving systems that are not changing fast enough. Grieving burnout.

All leaders I know are carrying more than their job descriptions acknowledge. Can you relate?

And here is something I have come to believe:

We cannot hold space for emotions we refuse to feel ourselves.

If we rush our own grief, we will rush others. If we numb our own fear, we will avoid hard conversations. If we cannot sit with sorrow, we will try to solve it instead of surround it.

Experiencing our own grief does not make us less professional. It makes us more capable of holding what is real in a room.

The best facilitation is not about fixing feelings. It is about creating a space strong enough to contain them without collapsing.

When a board is in conflict. When a coalition is fractured. When a team is exhausted.

What is often needed first is not a new strategy. It is a stronger container.

At Sagebrush, this is part of what we help build.

Strategic planning processes where emotion and data can coexist. Retreats where people can tell the truth without being punished for it. Consensus processes that slow down reactivity and make space for listening. Community convenings that acknowledge harm while still moving toward vision.

Love, in an organizational context, is not sentimental.

It looks like Clarity. Accountability. Belonging. Courageous conversation. Structures that reduce harm instead of reproducing it.

It looks like designing systems that can stay supple and strong at the same time.

A Few Gentle Practices For This Season

If you are navigating grief, whether personal or collective, here are a few invitations:

1. Speak the names. Say the names of those you miss. Tell stories. Keep them alive in conversation.
   

2. Schedule love. Put family dinners, friend walks, and phone calls on your calendar the way you schedule meetings.
   

3. Tend your body. Grief lives in the nervous system. Hydrate. Rest. Step outside. Move gently.
   

4. Limit doom-scrolling. Stay informed but not flooded.
   

5. Create a ritual. Light a candle. Write a letter. Plant something.
   

6. Don’t grieve alone. Reach out. Join a circle. Let someone sit with you.

Resources For Support

If you or someone you love needs additional support:

🪴 Grief Center of Southwest Colorado - Compassionate grief support for children, teens, and adults across our region.

🪴 Resilient Colorado - Supporting trauma-informed communities statewide through training and partnership.

Upcoming Events & Trainings

🌱 Resilient CO Training - These are Not Normal Times: How to Be Well Anyway

If you’ve been feeling stretched, reactive, or simply tired, you’re not alone. This free training with Resilient Colorado offers practical, neuroscience-informed tools to better understand your nervous systems and build steadiness in uncertain times. Please register in advance here.

🌱 Board Trainings in Pagosa & Cortez - Community Foundation Serving SW CO

Strong boards build strong nonprofits. These upcoming trainings from the Community Foundation offer practical guidance on governance and effective leadership and a chance to strengthen your impact alongside others who care about our region. Learn more & register here.

🌱 Durango Women’s Leadership Conference

Honoring women in leadership matters especially in times that call for courage and community. The Durango Women’s Leadership Conference on Thursday, 2/26 creates space for connection and shared wisdom among women shaping our region. Grateful for the leadership of Adrea Bogle, Jennifer Bartlett, and Suzanne Phare. Learn more here.

Reflection

As February unfolds, I invite you to sit with a few questions:

• What grief am I carrying that needs space?

• Where am I being invited to love more boldly?

• How might my own lived experience deepen my leadership?

• What would it look like for my organization to be strong enough to hold what is real?

I would truly love to hear from you!

And if your organization is navigating complexity, conflict, or change, and you sense that what is needed is not just a plan but a stronger container, we would be honored to walk alongside you.

May your grief be honored, not hurried. May your leadership be human. May your love be spoken out loud.

And may we remember, again and again, that even in a hurting world, Love is still stronger. With care,

Sandhya + the Sagebrush Team

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